Happy New Year!

Mummy and Daddy might be planning a quiet night in, but Rebel Baby intends to celebrate her first New Year’s Eve in style and party like it’s 2016 – a great year if you’re not an elderly celeb. Or American. Start as you mean to go on and all that… parents are boring. Hic!

Oh wise one

Lovely lady at a neighbour’s party: “Your baby has the darkest eyes I’ve ever seen; they’re so deep and meaningful, really beautiful, quite wise-looking.”

Mummy turns proudly to admire them. The deep and meaningful one, in her great wisdom, is licking a chair leg.

Nice one RB.

Jingle bells, jingle bells…

Rebel Baby has new and devious tactics. She knows her little muscles are not developed enough to muster more than the occasional jingle from the sleigh bells mummy bought her for Christmas. Yet if she can get them into the hands of her brother, she knows she will get his favourite Christmas hit – the first line of Jingle Bells, in French (thank you, school), on repeat, at full volume, accompanied by violent jangling – for hours on end.

If this is not enough to drive Mummy and Daddy up the wall, thinks RB as she smiles and claps with delight, the fact that he thinks the words are “Vee Voo Vom,” will surely finish them off. Merry Christmas!

Away in a manger…

The little one has been dabbling in the dramatic arts and appearing as the Baby Jesus in a professional┬áNativity Play. Despite her wailing through the first rehearsal and vomitting in the middle of the second, Mummy is super proud and is wondering if it’s too soon to apply for an Equity Card.

The director wants to open Act 2 with a peaceful Christmas tableaux: Mary and Joseph rocking the baby Jesus in a manger lined with soft lambswool, while the choir sing festive lullabies.

Rebel Baby is not a fan of choral music and is pissed off about not being allowed to eat the lambswool. She makes her feelings known by screaming loudly and destroying the idyllic scene.

Later, some nice blokes bring her sparkly gifts which is A Bit More Like It. Then comes King Herod with soldiers trying to kill her. There is thunder, lightning and stage smoke… much more in line with Rebel Baby’s idea of A Good Night Out. She smiles and waves as he is cast out to burn in hell, for RB enjoys pyrotechnics; they are much more fun than lullabies.