It is the weekend and, refreshed by her better sleep, Mummy is on a mission! Soon it will be time to wean The Baby, and Mummy is going to be so well prepared that the whole process will go beautifully smoothly without a hitch.
Not long ago, Mummy lost a morning of her life she will never get back to go on a baby-weaning course, so considers herself Very Knowledgeable Indeed on the whole procedure. She has taken great delight in giving Daddy regular lectures on all the guidance and randomly spot-testing him to check he was listening. This in some way makes up for Daddy’s habit of spot-testing Mummy on the original artist and exact release date of songs he hears on the radio, as Daddy wasted a great deal of his youth learning this information whereas Mummy neither knows nor cares… but it makes him feel clever.
Amongst the questionably useful information Mummy gleaned from the overpriced course, there was the requirement to purchase a small amount of weaning equipment. Mummy therefore went on Amazon and bought only the bare essentials, for Mummy is thrifty and does not like clutter in her house.
“Oh my goodness,” says Daddy when the delivery box arrives, “I see you have bought All The Shite.” Mummy takes offence at this, for she considers an all-in-one bowl-masher-suction-spoon-pot to be a very economical purchase, combining as it does the functions of at least five different utensils. The fact Mummy already owns all of the separate utensils is neither here nor there.
“Pffffft…” sniffs Mummy, “You know nothing, you did not do the course.”
Mummy has also read an excellent book about baby weaning by the domestic goddess that is Annabelle Karmel. Thanks to Annabelle, who clearly has too much time on her hands, Rebel Baby can look forward to a varied and perfectly balanced diet of wholesome and nutritious foods that Mummy would never otherwise buy, and certainly wouldn’t eat. A few spoonfuls of ‘Beetroot, Kale and Coconut Surprise’ may help compensate for the fact that The Baby’s breastmilk has been largely made from takeaways and cheap Rosé.
One page has an especially helpful chart which suggests all the different vegetables you might like to start your baby on. In the small print, it does say something about choosing from the suggested selection, but Mummy got the wrong end of the stick and has ordered all of them.
The Ocado delivery is due tonight and Mummy is wondering how she can transport every fruit and vegetable known to man into the kitchen without Daddy noticing. Hmmm… Mummy will think about that one once she’s worked out where to hide all of the new equipment.