For the love of trash

This morning, Mummy is changing the bed and sorting the laundry, such is the excitement that is Mummy’s life. Usually this job takes about ten minutes while The Baby plays happily in her cot in the next room, but today The Baby does not want to play in her cot, she wants to be with Mummy all the time. Naturally, Mummy takes this as a compliment and is only too happy for the little one to witness the housework. It’s never too young to start helping, thinks Mummy.

Being a thoughtful parent and expert multitasker, Mummy pops The Baby on a cosy blanket in the corner of the bedroom with some of her very favourite toys, and sets about her chores. Rebel Baby, however, has her sights set most clearly on an object in the far distance she very much desires: the wastepaper basket full of snotty tissues and used breast pads. Her mission: to upturn it and revel in its contents.

Despite having to cross the entire room and only being able to roll sideways, RB has the prize within her reach in less time than it takes Mummy to change a pillow case. Just in time, Mummy snatches The Baby up and returns her to the safe blanket territory, seconds before she would have showered herself with soggy rubbish. But there are four pillowcases to change and with each run RB gets faster, inching ever closer to the ultimate prize. Mummy accelerates also, smashing records for pillowcase changing and baby retrieval.

Eventually, however, she has to tackle the duvet. This could pose a problem.

Not one to be outsmarted, Mummy cunningly positions herself between The Baby and the sought-after wastepaper basket, blocking her path with piles of king-sized cotton. The Baby is foiled! What a genius Mummy is!

But getting a king-sized duvet into a cover whilst containing a baby in a narrow strip of bedroom is no mean feat and it takes Mummy longer than usual to wrestle it into position. When she eventually emerges, triumphant, Rebel Baby has outsmarted her by going under the bed, expertly bypassing her genius blockade, and has upturned a week’s worth of festering garbage all over the bedroom floor.

Only then does Mummy realise she should have just moved the wastepaper basket. Damn.

The first practice run: caught red-handed… and feigning innocence.


    From my observations of three recent grandsons, there is a time, at around nine months old, when young children want to be with their mother all of the time and complain if their mother leaves the room. Eventually they learn that she doesn’t disappear when they can’t see her, she soon comes back. Then they are happy to be left on their own. Later still, you have to start worrying what they are up to when they go out of sight….

      Yes indeed – all that to look forward to!

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