Mummy and Daddy thought it would be a lovely and fascinating thing to take the children on a narrated boat tour of the harbour. They had not banked on Rebel Baby’s mistaken belief they were taking a diving trip into deep water, and her determination to hurl herself overboard at concerningly frequent intervals. So hell-bent is she on plummeting fully-clothed into open water, that Daddy has to take the reigns and forcibly restrain her with both arms for the duration of the tour. Even this proves challenging.
RB has no sense of self-preservation and sees Daddy’s restraints only as an enjoyable challenge, meaning both Mummy and Daddy are wholly engaged in preventing her death for the full half hour and barely able to catch a glimpse of the fascinating sights they are listening to the captain describe. The whole experience is rather tiring and stressful for all involved.
At least Big Bro will have got something out of it, thinks Mummy. He has been staring avidly out the boat from his seat beside the very loud speaker, unresponsive to attempts at conversation, apparently absorbed in the experience.
“Did you enjoy that?” asks Mummy as they disembark.
“Oh yes,” says Big Bro enthusiastically.
“Which bits did you find most interesting?” asks Mummy. Big Bro looks at her blankly. “The bit about the warships?” ventures Mummy. “Or maybe the story about the millionaire and the yacht?”
“Oh,” says Big Bro dismissively, “I wasn’t listening to any of it. I was looking at the water and thinking about what we’re having for dinner.”
“Perfect,” says Mummy. “£7.50 a head well spent.”