Mummy and Daddy are at the beach and Rebel Baby wants to play on the sand.

“You can play on the sand,” says Mummy, “but do not try to cuddle the sand. Do not kiss the sand, do not lick the sand, do not roll in the sand like a dog and – above all – do not lie on the sand moaning and gently caressing it like you did last time, causing at least two members of the public to express concern and ask if you need help.”

Mummy doesn’t know why she bothers. She does know, however, that she will spend the next five to ten days removing sand from every crease and orifice imaginable. Sigh….

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