Garbage disposal

Hating mess as she does, it is a Big Thing for Mummy to embrace letting the little one start to feed herself. When you have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp, the idea of puréed beetroot being flung over your clean washing up and Jenga-like spice rack is stomach-churning.

Rebel Baby however is delighted to finally be in charge of the spoon, having lusted after it for weeks. So excited is she that not a single morsel makes it from bowl to mouth without assistance, the majority being sloshed enthusiastically down her front en route to the spoon, accompanied by ecstatic squeals and frenzied arm-waving.

Never one to waste food, she then spends half an hour slurping the cold, congealing mix of assorted debris out of her bib gutter, emerging every now and then to catch her breath and grin manically, before plunging back in.

Mummy has left her to it and is frantically Googling “Finishing Schools,” hoping they still exist.

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