Gutter Baby

When Mummy had The Baby, she looked at the hostile, hard wood floor and thought to herself this is not nice for the baby. Out of the kindness of her heart and love for her baby, Mummy purchased at great expense an enormous rug that was soft and fluffy. That’s better, thought Mummy. But Mummy wanted her baby to have only the very best, so Mummy purchased at great expense a play mat with extra padding and soft-touch feely-bits, for The Baby’s comfort and delight. What an excellent Mummy I am, thought Mummy.

Rebel Baby, however, does not like the soft fluffy rug. Nor does she like the play mat with extra padding and soft-touch feely-bits. Rebel Baby exerts all of her energy and tries with every fibre of her being to make it to that holy grail of play locations – the tiny strip of hard wood floor that runs around the outside of the mat. The floor gutter, if you will. The bit where collects all the fluff and grit and general debris that Mummy has missed with the hoover. This is the paradise Rebel Baby dreams of. Here she can scoot on her tummy on the slippery surface until her baby grow turns black, banging her head against the unforgiving wood and licking the floor-fluff with her tongue. Weirdo.

Look how bloody happy it makes her.

Leave a Reply