Big day today – RB’s first wedding! Mummy spent hours and hours, and too much money, finding a perfectly beautiful outfit for the darling one to look an absolute picture, before leaving it too late to find ANY DRESS with boob access that looks good enough for a wedding. Eventually, Mummy happened upon a website which specialised in just such attire, had next day delivery AND a sale on – Mummy does love a bargain! To her absolute delight, it also promised that none other than Kate Middleton also owned the dress, so Mummy assumed it must be The Most Beautiful Dress Ever and was so excited about looking like a real-life actual princess. Only later did Mummy discover that the beautiful princess dress she had bought to wear to a wedding, according to her Google image search, seemed to be worn by HRH for walking the dogs.
The wedding was in central London which was an absolute mission with too much baby-luggage and too many trains. Mummy didn’t trust RB not to spoil the too-expensive outfit with her usual repertoire of bodily fluids before the service started so, due to Daddy insisting “There’s always time for a beer,” Mummy was performing a stealthy baby change under a pashmina as the bride entered. She was buggered if the too-expensive outfit wasn’t being worn.
To ensure the little one got a good night’s sleep, Mummy carefully planned to change her into her PJs at the wedding, feed her, leave at a sensible hour and transition her smoothly into bed when they got home at about 10:00pm.
Rebel Baby had other plans, was too excited to eat anything properly (except for the table decorations), worked the room all night and has passed out in her party frock on the 22:38 out of Clapham Junction. Damn.