Week 1: Monday

Mummy really is starting to get worried about The Baby’s enormous appetite and, on Daddy’s uncharacteristically sensible advice, has rung the Hospital People who said to call if there were any concerns. It is only 10% likely Daddy thinks it is worth checking with medical professionals (again) about all of Mummy’s concerns, and 90% likely he just wants Mummy to stop wittering on about them.  It is a good job Mummy had forgotten about phoning the Hospital People, as her Google history is testament to the fact she would probably have rung them too many times already, had she remembered.

The hospital people tell Mummy it’s all completely normal, make thinly veiled comments which suggest she may be slightly overreacting and say she probably just needs a cup of tea. “Oh yes please that would be lovely,” sobs Mummy down the phone, before realising they weren’t offering to bring her one. Blooming NHS cuts again.


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