Today, Daddy has decided to work from home so that Mummy and The Baby can see how busy and important he is. Daddy likes working from home because Mummy can bring him tea and make him lunch, and he can cuddle The Baby in between his busy and important jobs. It is a lovely way to work and very relaxing for Daddy.
OBVIOUSLY Mummy loves it when Daddy works from home too, because she and The Baby can see Daddy. Or at least the back of his laptop, which he hides behind to emphasise how busy and important he is.
“I will work from home on the dining table,” says Daddy, “so I will not be in your way and I can work properly on my very taxing jobs.” The dining table is right in the middle of the centre of the small and open-plan house, so not in the way at all. Mummy was going to use the dining table to fold and sort the ironing, to have lunch and feed The Baby, to sit at with The Baby and play with her drawing book and table-top toys that are out all over the dining table, like Mummy does every day. But Mummy would love to fold the ironing onto lots of chairs and feed The Baby in the kitchen and eat standing up and play all day on the hard wood floor, so she thinks this is a marvellous idea indeed.
“I need to listen to moody atmospheric music while I work,” says Daddy. “It helps me concentrate on my hard and important work.” Mummy and The Baby like listening to nursery rhymes and Michael Bublé in the background. When The Baby naps, Mummy turns the music off and it is quiet and peaceful and sometimes Mummy even naps on the sofa when The Baby has kept her up all night… like last night. But Mummy thinks how lovely it will be to have moody music with a good strong baseline booming out from the big speaker all day. The big speaker is in the lounge not the dining room, so obviously Daddy will need to turn it up quite a lot to hear it well enough. But that’s OK – Mummy and The Baby can listen to their music anytime, they can nap upstairs and Mummy has earplugs.
“I have a very important call at 9:30,” says Daddy, “so The Baby will need to be quiet.” 9:30 is before The Baby normally naps, and is not her quietest time. Mummy and The Baby normally sing songs and play games at 9:30 and The Baby is especially whiny this morning due to her NOT SLEEPING last night. Mummy thinks how easy it will be to subtly shift the morning routine forwards an hour or so and feed The Baby into a stupor to guarantee she is comatose and silent at exactly 9:30, because babies are easily manipulated like that so it is no trouble at all and of no consequence whatsoever to the rest of her day.
“I will need to concentrate this afternoon,” says Daddy, “on some very difficult paperwork, so I will need to not be interrupted.” Mummy thinks how The Baby will probably not even notice Daddy is in the house, let alone be shouting and squealing at him from the living room, or craning her neck to smile at him through the kitchen doorway while Mummy is trying to feed her in the highchair and dropping food all over the place. It will be totally easy to ensure Daddy has space and quiet and is not interrupted in his very important work.
By the afternoon, despite a long excursion into town for a big chunk of the morning, Mummy and The Baby are quite exhausted from all their being good. They find themselves exiled to the garden where they can do no wrong. Nothing like a grey and gloomy day for sitting on your own in the cold garden on the soggy grass trying not to make any noise, thinks Mummy.
Although he is clearly being busy and important, Daddy does emerge once from behind his laptop, to ask for a cheese sandwich. It is lovely when Daddy works from home and can see us, thinks Mummy. Maybe tomorrow, Mummy and Rebel Baby will go and play in Daddy’s office for the day… it seems only fair.